Picture Tribute

Good luck to my Christopher on his Grand Loop race this weekend. I drop him off at the trail head in Grand Junction Friday night at 6:00 and then hope he shows back up somewhere between Monday afternoon and Tuesday evening. He is going to do awesome and I'm so proud of him. I will be coming back home between that time so I'll keep the blog updated if I hear anything new.

You've trained through heat, terrential downpours, and heavy snow. You've been more reliable than the postal service.




You've ridden big bikes, little bikes, bikes with gears, bikes without gears, bikes with brakes, bikes with...well...not so much brakes.





You've ridden alone, with strangers, with best friends.



You've won, you've podiumed, you've imploded.




You've run over snakes and prarie dogs. You've swallowed countless bugs.








Above all, you've prepared yourself more than one could possibly imagine.

Bring it on.

Bring it on-er.

I'm moving on

A wise song once said:

"I'm moving on, at last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me, and I know there are no gaurantees but I'm not alone. There comes a time in everyone's life when all you can see are the years passing by, and I have made up my mind that those days are gone... maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road, I'm moving on"

Well... I'm done.

Checked out, boxed up done.

Tears shed, goodbyes said done.

Thrown away, saved with care done.

Fake smiles, real smiles, holding back comments done.

Whoever said The Big Man doesn't have a sense of humor did not leave my school today feeling a little nostalgic, wanting to look back and save the last glimpse of 'home' and then promptly got pelted with hail so big they were forced to literally run from the building and speed away so as not to get struck by lightning. As I ran to my car I just had to laugh. The weather was dark and gloomy, the thunder loud, the hail heavy, the rain pouring down in sheets. If it had been sunny and perky outside it wouldn't have felt right. The weather fit the mood perfectly. Remember Eeyore?

That was me. The rain and hail and lightning followed me all the way home. I would stop at a traffic light and the rain would seem to have calmed and then BOOM -- it would catch up with me. I expected to look in the rear view mirror and see a small gray donkey looking back at me.

So there you have it.

Done.

Got one last kick in the pants on the way out of the door but I held my tongue and proceeded to smile and nod.

I'm ready to move on.

Let the hurricane set in motion...

School is now over.

I have to go back Tuesday to check out and after that I'm finished.

Bittersweet.

I held up ok, only cried when a parent came up and said in her very limited english "I'm so sorry... best luck... I'm so sorry". Oh yeah, and when one of my kindergarteners ran back after he was about to leave and said "thank you for teaching me how to read" and gave me a huge hug and left. I will miss those little guys so much. Especially the two that I've had for two years now.

Now time to attempt to relax after THE stress. At this point it's hard to remember what it's like to not be stressed out. I need to take more random bike rides with hubby, that reminds me how to feel good and relax.

Note to self for the day: Don't lift things. Ouch.

p.s: got to hold a really cute 8 day old baby girl on Wednesday night at a retirement bbq -- baby fever is at an all time high.

p.p.s: sad that the final time trial got cancelled this week but because it did I got to hold above mentioned baby. Score.

The Gambler

"Now every gambler knows the secret to surviving is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep. Because every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser..."

This weekend my Gambler did a great job at the KTR -- the "r" standing for ride... not a race, yes, definetely not a race ;)

Chris finished the Kokopelli trail in 15 hours and 20 minutes. I had guessed (which Chris's help) that he'd make it at some point before 15 hours 30 minutes. That guess left me no time to worry about the boy which makes me a very happy wife! Chris and I were remembering all of the times through the years that he's made me a nervous wreck at races. I watched 3 wives nervously waiting their VERY late husbands and felt for them, but at the same time I was really happy it wasn't me. I wanted to make a blog of all of the funny memories of botched races which left me in a crazed state, but I think that needs more thought first... afterall, there have been MANY. I just want everyone to know how nice it is to not have to worry *as much* any more. He's done a great job at making sure of that.

I know Chris wasn't totally happy with his ride and it raised some serious questions in his head that he didn't want to have to think about, but I'm very proud of him and know that he will make good decisions. Riding races this long is a gamble. Keep playing your cards right.

In other news, hubby and I went on an awesome ride today after he got home from work. I love riding with him after big races -- the pace is slower, the rides are shorter, definetely suit me better than his usual rides! We went out without a plan, without a training goal, without time restrictions. We rode up by Stanley Lake and discovered some new (to us), super fun single track by the water. The green of the grass, the colorful wild flowers, the silver sparkley water, and the setting sun behind the blue mountains made for an incredible ride. For the first time in a long time I had that little kid bike feeling. I was out with my best friend riding for no good reason, just out to enjoy the night and goof around. We took lots of pictures, I got some wheelie instruction, we explored, swallowed some bugs, hopped some fences... I forgot that about that feeling. I can't wait to do it a lot more often in the future. Here are some pictures from the ride:









Go find your best friend and go for a ride... just for the fun of it. You won't regret it.

no creative title today

I have some extra energy/anger/stress/adrenaline to burn off so this could either be short followed by a ride, walk, or even possible a *gasp* run or this could relieve my tension and then I'll follow up the blog-making by nap-taking.

Today I sucked up all of my pride and bitterness and attended an internal job fair in my school district (now lovingly nicknamed the internal jobless fair). It was a class reunion of sorts for those of us that attended induction two long years ago. The atmosphere was weird. A bunch of people who have been kicked to the curb trying to pretend to be optimistic and happy meeting a bunch of principals who obviously thought the whole thing was stupid. We counted 11 people from our school there. Needless to say, our principal was one of the few who didn't show up. Surprise? Not really. If I were her, I wouldn't show my face there either. The responses from principals were clearly canned "I don't currently have any openings but check online in June and we'll keep you in mind" -- blah blah blah. Despite the retardedness of it all, I still became a nervous blumbling idiot and felt retarded the whole time. But oh well. Always worth keeping options open I guess. I felt like I was in a herd of pigs awaiting slotter with some stinky farmer checking us out to see who had gotten the fatest over the winter. It was nice to see people I hadn't seen in a while. One guy's wife is due with their first baby in 3 weeks -- poor guy seemed just a little worried about finding another P.E position. I feel bad for him.

Time trial last night went pretty well. I was only 10 seconds off my time from last week earning me a 15th place. Last week I finished and felt so energized. This week I finished and just felt like crap. Major headache set in the moment I stepped off the bike and now today the right side of my head/throat are not feeling good. I'm pleased with my time but for some reason not as pleased as last week. I feel good about what I've accomplished but I'm tired.

Mmmmm, nap?

Off to Fruita and Moab this weekend to cheer on hubby. I think he's going to do awesome and I wish him the best. GO PLESKO!

Somewhere between a cry and a laugh

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)

Hmmm...

I was in a bad mood today for many reasons. That is, until I got a letter that went a little something like this:

"The board of education has approved your resignation as Kindergarten teacher from ******** middle school. Signed, ******* Assistant Superintendant". Haha. Wow, I didn't know you could teach kindergarten in middle school. Proofread much?

Ah, the small things that get me through the day lately.

Here's a good picture from the time trial series that Erik took:


Since this picture I have finally received my new fast forward seat post! This was order #2 since UPS seemingly delivered the first one to a mysterious "female customer" who they insist lives at our house. Maybe Chris has something he needs to tell me...

Chris is on a bike ride with a friend tonight, so guess what that means for me?

Mucho Jelly Bellies and... drum roll please... NAP!

I love naps.

Yee-Haw

Time trial numero cinco: 31.14 and 20.16 mph -- but who's counting?

Whew.

My goal for the series was to make it across the finish line before 7:00 which would put me around 33 minutes. Needless to say when I crossed the finish line and saw my watch read something like 6:58 I couldn't believe it.

Holy freaking cow.

What a difference a week, some stress to burn off, a little riding, and outstanding weather make. Yay for me!

Great job to the rest of the group too -- I think most of us set personal records -- wohooooo! Especially great job to hubby, you kicked some serious butt!

"Take your all right, take your can't wait, a lot of bring it on, and some damn straight and mix it all up with some down home southern drawl y'all -- yeehaw!"

1, 2, 3 like a bird I sing...

Today I officially "resigned." What a joke. Before going into the inevitable rant, I will give a little background on what transpired on Friday.

When I came into work on Friday there was an e-mail from our music teacher saying "Thanks for being so flexible with the interrupted schedules lately, I've decided to host a whole-school movie party in the gym at 1:00 so come drop off your kids and take the time to work in your room or do whatever you want." Sounds sweet... until you realize that we were supposed to get our 'letters' at 1:00 (telling us whether we'd have a job next year or not). Hmmm, fishy, but still nice.

At 1:00 we all marched our classes into the gym to watch a movie -- we've all since nick-named it the "walk of shame". There was tension in the air. Teachers didn't talk. We all knew what was coming. I dropped the kids off, took a potty break, then headed back to my room only to be shortly joined by the principal. I'm really bad with akward situations. I'll be the first to admit that. I greeted her with a not-so-polite but a little funny "oh, I've been dreading seeing you all day". I tried to ask "how's life?" and various other "how are you" questions only to be greeted by silence. Ooooookay. No tension breaker I guess. She sat down and pulled the whole "there's no easy way to say this" line and I sat there and listened. It wasn't good. We'd been prepared for this for MONTHS but it still was hard to hear. She gave me my letter saying she'd recommended that I not be renewed, said I was free to leave for the weekend, and she walked out of the room.

I immediately emailed Chris followed by an email to the other probationary teachers asking who wanted some margaritas after work. I saw her head down the hall to a few other probationary teachers, across the hall to another, then back to the other hall. I grabbed a box of Kleenex and headed down to another teacher's room where people had started to gather and we had a cry fest. 7 of us had gotten the news we were hoping we wouldn't have to hear. 7! One by one a few of the wonderful veterans in the school came by and stood in shock at a room full of wonderful teachers that have basically been thrown in the toilet. While I understand that it's a poor comparison, I can only liken the feeling to that after 9-11. I haven't, since then, stood in a room with 10 other people and had everyone be in total shock. Sparatic tears, anger, and silence. Well, needless to say, those of us who got "The" news took Karen up on the offer to take the rest of the afternoon off. We headed to a local Mexican restraunt and commiserated over chips and salsa and later a few Margaritas. I work (well, worked) with some wonderful people.

I came home and Chris helped me feel better about the situation. Things will be ok.

When we got the news we had the choice to either submit our resignation today or sign a paper saying we understand we were recommended for non-renewal. It seems like we've talked about this for weeks and it's only been a few short hours on friday and a few short hours today. Who knows what the right thing to do actually is. Who knows what the true story behind all of it is. After a meeting with the union leader, most of us decided to go the resignation route. I'm feeling ok about it. I'm also now at the point that I've decided I don't want to work for this district any more (even if I would've gotten a $10,000 raise next year had I been renewed -- yeah, not even joking). I feel betrayed by the district and I feel betrayed by a principal who I have thought believed in me. I will miss the kids more than anything. I want them to succeed. I want them to have teachers who believe in them. I feel like I'm leaving them out to dry with no one to take care of them. I've worked my butt off for this community and school for two years and I get tossed aside like a dirty rag. Oh well. Like Chris says, I'm obviously not in it for the money or for the recognition. Toss me aside all you want, I'm going to go somewhere else and be great. They'll be sad they got rid of me. At this point, I deserve better. I can keep telling myself these things, but it's still a terrible situation. I wonder how long it will take me to get through a day of work without tears.

I heard this song on the way home from work and it pumped me up. I have liked this song since it came out but it has special meaning this week:

(Tim McGraw - Last Dollar)

1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you've given me the most beautiful set of wings
I'm so glad you're here today
Cause tomorrow I might have to go and fly away

Well, I’m down to my last dollar
I've walked right through my shoes
Just a small reminder of the hell that I’ve gone through
But look at me still smiling
As I’m wondering what I’ll do
Since I ain’t got nothing
I've got nothing to lose
Everybody say “HaHaHaHa, HaHaHaHa”

So there you have it. Repeat to self: hahaha, hahaha. I'm sure going to have a lot of steam to blow off on Wednesday! Cherry Creek Time Trials watch out! That is, unless I go out so hard that I blow up halfway and then have an emotional breakdown at the turnaround. Even if I have to walk back sobbing, I'm hoping Wednesday will be my turning point when I can become optimistic and not so upset about this whole situation.

Comon Rain

Bad news today -- no job next year. Damn. 7 of us at our school got 'canned' (aka "non-renewed"). Sucks. More details later. Things will be good but it sucks none-the-less.

Me against me

Well, time trial number 4 has come to pass. There's really not much to say. I got in my own way and I'm not happy about it.

I was motivated. That wasn't the problem. My legs felt good. That wasn't the problem. It was windy but I can't blame that either. The wind made me push harder and want to do better. Sure it was a bit demoralizing the first mile or two going into the crazy wind yet AGAIN this week, but it was that way for everyone. I should be happy that it wasn't hailing like the night before.

You know those cartoons where it's a person (or animal or whatever) and they have two mini versions of themselves on their shoulders fighting all the time? That was me. It was so weird. I couldn't stop my brain from arguing with itself. First of all, my computer decided to stop working as I left the line yesterday so I didn't have any gauge as to how fast I was going. That started my mind into thinking I was doing crappy. The other part of my brain would try to convince myself otherwise -- people were passing me later in the course than usual... that was good! Then of course the other part of my brain would say "yeah, they're just having a bad day in the wind, you're not doing well at all". ANNOYING! I couldn't get my brain to shut up. I tried to focus and get centered into the "zone" that I always hear about. I tried to sing songs in my head. I tried to think about other things. None of it worked. I tried to motivate myself in different ways but my other brain would convince myself that was stupid. URGH! Overall I know I lost precious seconds or minutes piddling around feeling crappy about myself. It was incredibly frustrating.

Michelle passed me later than before which was good, I should feel good about that. Jeanie surpassed me time-wise but didn't physically pass me (although she was VERY close at the end) which I should feel good about. But I'm very unhappy with the race. That combined with pent up stress from work resulted in a total breakdown in bed last night. Luckily Chris had a "Plesko peptalk" ready and he pulled me through it. I didn't sleep well at all. When I did sleep I'd only dream about getting fired. It was a long night. I was happy to get out of bed this morning and away from thinking about the race. Luckily, the kids cracked me up today. They were in a super sarcastic mood today and so was I -- we made a great bunch.

New rumor is that probationary teachers should hear about our jobs after 1:00 tomorrow via letter. I'm trying not to get my hopes up that it will actually happen. At this point I'd rather know NOW, either way. Enough with the unknowns and rumors.

Seatpost still hasn't shown up. Freaking UPS. "Delivered" my butt.

I'm in a good mood, really I am...