1, 2, 3 like a bird I sing...

Today I officially "resigned." What a joke. Before going into the inevitable rant, I will give a little background on what transpired on Friday.

When I came into work on Friday there was an e-mail from our music teacher saying "Thanks for being so flexible with the interrupted schedules lately, I've decided to host a whole-school movie party in the gym at 1:00 so come drop off your kids and take the time to work in your room or do whatever you want." Sounds sweet... until you realize that we were supposed to get our 'letters' at 1:00 (telling us whether we'd have a job next year or not). Hmmm, fishy, but still nice.

At 1:00 we all marched our classes into the gym to watch a movie -- we've all since nick-named it the "walk of shame". There was tension in the air. Teachers didn't talk. We all knew what was coming. I dropped the kids off, took a potty break, then headed back to my room only to be shortly joined by the principal. I'm really bad with akward situations. I'll be the first to admit that. I greeted her with a not-so-polite but a little funny "oh, I've been dreading seeing you all day". I tried to ask "how's life?" and various other "how are you" questions only to be greeted by silence. Ooooookay. No tension breaker I guess. She sat down and pulled the whole "there's no easy way to say this" line and I sat there and listened. It wasn't good. We'd been prepared for this for MONTHS but it still was hard to hear. She gave me my letter saying she'd recommended that I not be renewed, said I was free to leave for the weekend, and she walked out of the room.

I immediately emailed Chris followed by an email to the other probationary teachers asking who wanted some margaritas after work. I saw her head down the hall to a few other probationary teachers, across the hall to another, then back to the other hall. I grabbed a box of Kleenex and headed down to another teacher's room where people had started to gather and we had a cry fest. 7 of us had gotten the news we were hoping we wouldn't have to hear. 7! One by one a few of the wonderful veterans in the school came by and stood in shock at a room full of wonderful teachers that have basically been thrown in the toilet. While I understand that it's a poor comparison, I can only liken the feeling to that after 9-11. I haven't, since then, stood in a room with 10 other people and had everyone be in total shock. Sparatic tears, anger, and silence. Well, needless to say, those of us who got "The" news took Karen up on the offer to take the rest of the afternoon off. We headed to a local Mexican restraunt and commiserated over chips and salsa and later a few Margaritas. I work (well, worked) with some wonderful people.

I came home and Chris helped me feel better about the situation. Things will be ok.

When we got the news we had the choice to either submit our resignation today or sign a paper saying we understand we were recommended for non-renewal. It seems like we've talked about this for weeks and it's only been a few short hours on friday and a few short hours today. Who knows what the right thing to do actually is. Who knows what the true story behind all of it is. After a meeting with the union leader, most of us decided to go the resignation route. I'm feeling ok about it. I'm also now at the point that I've decided I don't want to work for this district any more (even if I would've gotten a $10,000 raise next year had I been renewed -- yeah, not even joking). I feel betrayed by the district and I feel betrayed by a principal who I have thought believed in me. I will miss the kids more than anything. I want them to succeed. I want them to have teachers who believe in them. I feel like I'm leaving them out to dry with no one to take care of them. I've worked my butt off for this community and school for two years and I get tossed aside like a dirty rag. Oh well. Like Chris says, I'm obviously not in it for the money or for the recognition. Toss me aside all you want, I'm going to go somewhere else and be great. They'll be sad they got rid of me. At this point, I deserve better. I can keep telling myself these things, but it's still a terrible situation. I wonder how long it will take me to get through a day of work without tears.

I heard this song on the way home from work and it pumped me up. I have liked this song since it came out but it has special meaning this week:

(Tim McGraw - Last Dollar)

1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you've given me the most beautiful set of wings
I'm so glad you're here today
Cause tomorrow I might have to go and fly away

Well, I’m down to my last dollar
I've walked right through my shoes
Just a small reminder of the hell that I’ve gone through
But look at me still smiling
As I’m wondering what I’ll do
Since I ain’t got nothing
I've got nothing to lose
Everybody say “HaHaHaHa, HaHaHaHa”

So there you have it. Repeat to self: hahaha, hahaha. I'm sure going to have a lot of steam to blow off on Wednesday! Cherry Creek Time Trials watch out! That is, unless I go out so hard that I blow up halfway and then have an emotional breakdown at the turnaround. Even if I have to walk back sobbing, I'm hoping Wednesday will be my turning point when I can become optimistic and not so upset about this whole situation.